The Outsider

By
Glenn
– June 4, 2009Posted in: Glenn Hager


Krug Park Bowl, St. Joseph, Missouri

Welcome to Communitas Collective and welcome to Survivor, a community of recovering church leaders. It seems strange that we would need to recover from something that, as least, in some circles is still regarded as a fine and upstanding vocation. Yet, I have heard countless stories of those whose lives have been damaged through their association with what I call the church system and I am still recovering myself. So, we are going to venture into the strange world of those who used to be pastors and those who were heavily involved in the church leadership cuture who are finding new paths for their lives. This week’s theme is Story on all of the CC blogs because we felt that would be the best place to start… by letting you get a glimpse into our lives.

 
I did not grow up to be confident and focused in life. It seemed that it was my lot to meet the expectations of others and, hence, I was compliant child. Lately, I have concluded that if I were living my life over, I would be less compliant on several levels. Maybe that is why I am an ecclesiastical outlaw of sorts these days. If I had a take two at life, I would push back against those who claimed they spoke for God and who said this is what a good boy or a good Christian does. I think those voices often crowded out the still and quiet voice of God that whispered other things. It has taken me a long time to learn to listen to that voice and trust it and even now, I am just beginning to learn.

When I was seventeen years old, there was a series of revival meetings at a local park amphitheatre (pictured at the top of this post) celebrating the fact that there was a Baptist association of churches in town for 100 years. True to form we had a flamboyant Baptist preacher from Texas doing the preaching. As with most of those events, it was preaching to the choir and trying to persuade some pagan neighbor to come. Yet one evening there was a small band of uninitiated young hippies there. (It was 1971.) There was a little interaction between them and the preacher during one of the services and it suddenly it hit me, “This is the most important job in the world!” All of the components were there… the Gospel, a person to explain it and people who needed it. So, my plans of teaching High School students social studies were challenged and by age eighteen, I had made the declaration before the church that I was going into “full time Christian service”.

It was always the one thing that gave me a real sense of purpose and fulfillment. I loved Bible College, preaching, counseling, and most everything about being a pastor, though I soon became frustrated by the expectations and limitations. I had begun to admit that our way of doing church was not working and I realized that I had a different set of values than my church members. I always thought in terms of the outsider and didn’t fly well in the pastoral vocation.

Eventually, I pastored a church that went through every kind of crazy transition you can imagine.   My hardest days and most exciting days in the pastorate were there. We eventually, felt the church must move from a neighborhood in which English had become a second language. Our ministry was very contemporary and very much a down-and-outers, grace-oriented approach. It was a big transition for this little group to move to a portable service in a suburban community. Through the transition, I got to be on the receiving of mean-spirited betrayal and the dream of the re-started church died. So, eventually we disbanded. This is one of the saddest things that could have happened to a guy like me because it was the one thing I really liked, the one thing that brought me personal fulfillment, and the one thing I could do well. That was over seven years ago.
 
Since then I have floundered in and out of employment with way too much of the “out”. I didn’t like any of the jobs I had and I certainly am not fond of unemployment. We have attended four different churches and had a season of what I call a church fast. Now we are part of a house church of friends that gathers in a nearby neighborhood. Besides getting Commuunitas Collective going, I am pursuing a course of study in non profit management.
 
The last few years have seen dramatic shifts in my approach to ministry and even the way I believe. For the first time in my life, I truly am an outsider to the church culture.   All of this readjustment has been far more unsettling than I ever could have imagined, but it also has been far more valuable than I could have dreamed.
 
One of my sayings… The most important courses in life are the ones for which we would never sign up.
 
What’s your story?
 
Grace & Peace,
Glenn

About Glenn

I love people who feel like outsiders because I believe they are the key to moving forward. Outsiders are often just visionaries under pressure who are on their way to becoming entrepreneurs. So, I encourage them, invite them into community and conversation, get them in touch with insightful people and one another, and walk beside them as they move from complaining to dreaming to changing the world. That takes the form of podcasting, writing, networking, and consulting. The rest of time, I like to ride my bike along the shores of Lake Michigan, wail on my guitar, get together with the kids and grandkids, go to outdoor festivals, travel, eat, and read.