a doubter’s prayer

By
Kathy
– October 20, 2009Posted in: Kathy Escobar

doubters prayer"doubt is not the opposite of faith, but one element of faith"

- paul tillich

for the past 5 weeks at our saturday evening gatherings at the refuge, the wild & beautiful community i am part of, we have been focusing in on doubt & faith.  there were diverse conversations fueled by recycle your faith videos (these are so worth checking out if you haven’t seen them yet).   i have written about the first 4 conversations on my blog if you want an overview.  

in the midst of the series i wrote this prayer.  i know there are a lot of doubters who are finding some hope here at communitas collective, so i thought i’d share it here. it’s nothing fancy, just a simple-honest-cry-out-to-God-in-the-midst-of-my-doubt.  

 

 

 

 

God, sometimes i’m not sure
i don’t understand. i can’t understand. i don’t know what i’m supposed to understand.
i am trying to let go. trying to hold on.
learning. growing. stretching. leaving. coming. going.
what do i leave behind?
what do i move toward?
God, grow my faith, whatever that means.
not in man, not in systems, not in what-someone-else-tells-me-i-am-supposed-to-believe
but in you.  the living God.  the one who heals. the one who reveals.  the one who restores.  the one who turns the ways of this world upside down.   the one who calls me to mercy and justice and love.  the one who stirs us to move.
yeah, that’s all i really want.  more of you in me.  more of you in us.
 
amen.
 
 

About Kathy

Kathy (regular contributor) co-pastors The Refuge, an eclectic faith community in North Denver, deeply committed to those on the margins of life & faith.  She has five kids, loves chaos, and sees beauty in the ugliest of places. She blogs at The Carnival In My Head. Kathy has co-authored two books, Come With Me and Refresh: Sharing Stories. Building Faith.