Reflections and resolutions

– January 1, 2010Posted in: Helen Mildenhall

This is my third New Year’s since the onset of Crohn’s Disease. Thinking about New Year’s resolutions can be depressing with a chronic illness. How can I resolve to do anything ahead of time when I don’t know I’ll be feeling?

I read something very freeing some years ago. It’s become even more helpful since Crohn’s. The fourth agreement in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is

Always do your best – your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick..

I love this: instead of trying to set a fixed bar it gives me permission to have days when there’s very little I can do except try to sleep off a Crohn’s fever. While still challenging me to do whatever is within my reach on a given day.

If you make New Year’s resolutions, I hope you’ll aim for ‘challenging yet doable’. Failing is no fun whereas meeting goals that stretch us a little feels so rewarding.

About Helen

Helen Mildenhall (site developer, webmaster, and regular contributor) is like and unlike the rest of the team. She shares their interest in community and has similar past church experiences to many of them. However she is not currently living a faith-based life and that makes her an outsider. She’s trusting Glenn that it’s helpful to have an outsider voice here. Helen lives in Illinois with her husband and two teenage children and is webmaster for Off The Map. She enjoys music, photography and people (most of the time). You can find her personal blog at Love is the most excellent way.

5 Comments

Reply

Jeff Greathouse

Posted January 1, 2010 at 5:07 PM

Hey there. I came across this from Erin’s Facebook feed. My wife has Crohn’s and was diagnosed 12 years and has quite a battle, especially the last 3 years. I will be interested in hearing more of your story, not just on Crohn’s but your life journey. I will need to catch up sometime next week. hope 2010 is good.
Reply

Sue

Posted January 1, 2010 at 10:57 PM

I know totally where you’re coming from, Helen. I lived with chronic fatigue syndrome for 6+ years.

Like that Don Riguel Ruiz quote. Must read that book; I have read several different accounts of it and it sounds great.

Expectancy without expectations. Living in the moment. Such a difficult thing for us to do and yet SO MUCH falls away when we do it.
Reply

Helen

Posted January 2, 2010 at 11:04 AM

Jeff, there’s more on my personal site (http://mildenhall.net). I hope 2010 is good for you and your wife also.
Reply

Helen

Posted January 2, 2010 at 11:07 AM

Sue, I found the book very helpful – I read it at the right time for me, when I was looking for life suggestions that didn’t push my ‘Christian’ buttons. I don’t quite agree with the author that nothing is personal, but I do think we tend to assume things are more about us and less about others than they actually are. So ‘take nothing personally’ would generally move a person in the right direction, imo.

Yes, living in the moment is great when we can achieve it!